For many of us, our emotional baggage can make finding the right romantic partner a difficult journey. Perhaps you grew up in a household where there was no role model of a solid, healthy relationship and you doubt that such a thing even exists. Or maybe your dating history consists only of brief flings and you don’t know how to make a relationship last. You could be attracted to the wrong type of person or keep making the same bad choices over and over, due to an unresolved issue from your past. Or maybe you’re not putting yourself in the best environments to meet the right person, or that when you do, you don’t feel confident enough.
Whatever the case may be, you can overcome your obstacles. Even if you’ve been burned repeatedly or have a poor track record when it comes to dating, these tips can help put you on the path to finding a healthy, loving relationship that lasts.
- Don't point out your flaws.
You may have some flaws but this is not the time to let him know about them. Don't put these flaws in his mind because you don’t his love for you to reduce. Just be yourself and act confidently enough to keep your conversations fun and exciting. Do your homework and try to learn something new about him every day to keep you in his lifestyle. With time you’ll see improvements showing that it’s going to work and your dates will move to relationship and to marriage.
- Don’t be insecure.
It’s okay to be nervous but don’t be intimidated. This is the time to ask him questions to help you feel right around him. Don’t think he is more intelligent or smarter than you, just feel free and give out your best because this when you are all going to learn from each other. Be confident in yourself and just know if he is the right person for you, he will correct you when you make mistakes and not ridicule you.
- Switch the location of your dates up.
If you've been in the dating game for a while, try not to choose the same bar every time. It's easy to do, yes. Out of sheer convenience, it's a no-brainer to just pick your favorite neighborhood dive bars to meet your dates at since they've been tried and true meeting spots (and you could probably get home quickly if you weren't feeling it). Although, that might have lead to some awkward run-ins. Once for example, two potential suitors turned out to be friends, and even worse than the same-bar issue, they found out that this writer saved their contact info as some interpretation of a literary classic, which I did with everyone I dated until this unfortunate turn of events. A Light in August, Alexander Pushkin, Ichabod Crane, Dylan Thomas, and Benji (another Faulkner reference, of course) are just a few literary-inspired contacts saved in my phone.
- There will be many, many awkward moments, and that's fine.
Between taking an elbow to the trachea on a first hug, falling asleep at the dinner table, getting locked out of your apartment at the end of a date, forgetting your date's name, and literally lighting a table on fire, we've experienced every first-date nightmare you can imagine. Maybe you can relate: When you first start dating, you're a ball of nerves because you're so afraid of feeling slightly uncomfortable or not having anything to say. But it's part of the deal, and once you accept that, you'll start to have so much more fun.
You'll also learn how to bounce back from slip-ups on your end, or theirs.
- Make sure you can laugh together.
You don't need to have an identical sense of humor, nor do you both need to be comedians. But if you aren't smiling and laughing together after a few weeks of dating and getting to know one another, take note. This isn't important to everyone, but finding the humor in the weird, bizarre, even upsetting things that happen to us, and the things we observe in daily life that may seem banal or commonplace to others, is what makes us human. And if you can do this together, that's indicative of a special connection.